I am working with a client from South Tampa who named two of her children to act jointly as her health care surrogates.  Now that my client is suffering  from some pretty significant medical problems, her children are now required to act for her.  Unfortunately, these children do not get along very well and do not have same opinions for their mother’s medical care.  As a result, they are fighting all of the time, and their mother’s care is not consistent.  The doctors and nurses are stuck in the middle of this, since they are getting different directions from two people who have the legal authority to act. 

You’d probably say that this problem is unique and would never happen to you.  And hopefully you would be right, but do you really want to risk it?  After all, we are talking about your medical care at a time when you could be your most vulnerable. 

So, here’s a very simple suggestion: consider naming only one child as your surrogate.  Or perhaps you might want to name someone other than a child as your surrogate.  That way, your children’s fighting won’t delay or hinder your medical care. 

If you do want a child to serve as your surrogate, consider also adding a statement to your medical directives that it is your hope and wish, but not direction, that your named surrogate talk to your other children about your care for their imput.  This will keep everyone “in the loop”, but only one child will have the legal authority to act for you.  Of course, you can’t stop your children from fighting about your care, but at least it will not be delayed and everyone will know what course of action is being taken for you.