That’s the title of a recent article by Tom Lauricella  in the Wall Street Journal.  This article talks about some of the very important issues that face a surviving spouse when his or her spouse dies.  If you are married, I would encourage you to read this article.  You should also consider these pieces of information:

1.     In many marriages (mine included), only one spouse handles the finances.  This is probably efficient and works well, but when that spouse dies, how will the survivor know what to do?  One of my clients recently lost her husband, who was also a client of mine.  He was ill for some time and before he died, he made a list of action items for her.  It was a very loving gesture, since most widows or widowers are in a “fog” after a spouse dies.  If you have not made this list, that’s ok.  However, you should consider having your financial information organized in a place where your spouse can find it.  That way, he or she will not have to search through your house at a very difficult time.

2.     My grandfather was an estate planning attorney for over 60 years.  During his practice, he obviously learned a few things, and he was kind enough to share some of those pearls of wisdom.  One of them was to not allow a surviving spouse to make any major decisions for at least six months after death.  This might include selling the family home or making significant estate planning decisions.  I don’t know if six months is the right amount of time, but I have witnessed that fog and know that it takes time to mourn.  Often, decisions made in haste cannot be taken back and may delay or impair the healing process.

3.     Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Actually, your loved ones want to help, but do not always know what they can do.  Maybe they can take you to the DMV to retitle the car or to the bank to retitle your accounts.  You should also ask for help from your professional advisors.  While everyone’s situation is unique, many of the things that need to be accomplished after death have been done before.  We can help!

4.    Perhaps most importantly, allow yourself to mourn.  Losing a loved one is hard.   However, you do need to go on living as your spouse would have wanted.